PERSONAL STYLE
Fashion changes, but style is eternal. ~Yves Saint Laurent
Three Simple Truths About Personal Style
Fashions can be bought; style cannot—because it comes from within. It’s personal.
An aesthetic eye is helpful but not required.
The secret to personal style lies in self-awareness and knowing the colors, shapes, and kinds of pieces we love to wear that function well for the lives we lead.
Don’t we all want a wardrobe that reflects who we are and how we live?
Once you know what you love to wear (and what you don’t) and how you want to show up in the places you actually go—not the places you only fanaticize about—you can cultivate a functional wardrobe of clothes and accessories that feel true to you.
Of course, it helps to know your complementary colors and other helpful wardrobe tools. Yet what supersedes any so-called rules, guidelines, or suggestions (including mine!) is how you feel in what you wear.
We all want to feel good in our own skin, right? But how can you feel good in your skin when you don’t feel good in your clothes?
When what I’m wearing feels “right,” it’s not because the clothes are the latest from a designer and my weight is exactly where I want it—neither is likely true. Nor do I possess abundant beauty and confidence. It’s because I’m satisfied that what I see in the mirror… is me. Not the young woman in the hand-me-down, ill-fitting shoes, wearing a dress in a color that doesn’t make her feel good and that she may never be able to wear in a way that feels authentic to her. (As depicted in my last post.)
By the way, the dissonance I spotted in the ladies' room that day clung to me like the dress. No, it wasn’t crippling, but it did affect my confidence and may have limited my interactions to a degree.
authentic - “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.” ~Merriam-Webster.com
I associate dressing authentically with self-actualization, the highest of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, pictured below. Self-actualization also includes achieving one’s full potential, which can involve creative endeavors.
While self-actualization is less vital than the other levels, it does make life more fulfilling and rewarding.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Of course, clothing also offers physiological and safety by keeping us warm and protecting us from the elements. It also facilitates “fitting in” with our work and social environments. It makes it easier for us to spot “our tribes” and for our tribes to spot us—so we can fully experience that third-level sense of belonging we all long for. Dressing in a way that pleases us aesthetically makes us feel good and can play a factor in our self-esteem and—like it or not—the esteem of others.
Personal style goes beyond the superficial, and how we dress inevitably affects how others perceive us.
More importantly, how we dress affects how we see ourselves.
When your inner and outer selves connect, you feel authentic and appear more confident. But when you dress in a way that is not in harmony with your personality, you feel that disconnection. Others will likely sense it too, but often they—and you—may not identify exactly why.
This disparity can reduce the comfort others feel when they look at you. Worse, it can shrink your confidence.
That ebb in confidence can affect how much fun you have at a social gathering, your work performance, your self-esteem, others’ perceptions of you, and so much more.
When you leave your home feeling like yourself in your clothing, it shows.
Yes, you may be judged for your fashion choices—based on others' tastes or what they think is “in” or “out.” But what usually outweighs thoughts like those is your apparent comfort with yourself. Then, ultimately, what they will remember seeing is you.
One way to tell when an outfit is a winner?
A barometer that almost always gives me an accurate read is when I feel so comfortable with what I am wearing that I’m not concerned about what anyone else thinks.
Yes, how we look and how we feel are separate things—yet they are connected. Each tends to enhance the other. When we are happy with how we present ourselves on the outside, we generally feel better about ourselves on the inside. When we feel good on the inside, it shows in how we carry ourselves and interact with others, both of which make all the difference in how we are seen.
Personal style is connected to your identity, so examining it is an endeavor that is not only worthwhile but also incredibly satisfying—even rewarding.
On Monday, we will discuss ways to discover and define your personal style.
Meanwhile, have a Happy Valentine’s Day!